


Into the Nothing

by Nightwingshero



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:27:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23796118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nightwingshero/pseuds/Nightwingshero
Summary: Cassandra makes a small choice out of a whim, only for it to change her for the rest of her life. Becoming paralyzed in 95% of her body, she had to not only learn to adjust to her new way of life, but heal emotionally as each member of her family helps her each step of the way. It just goes to show that the smallest pebble can make the biggest ripple.
Relationships: Stephanie Brown/Cassandra Cain
Kudos: 17





	Into the Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> This was a commission I did for Wambatking on Tumblr. I'm so glad you enjoyed it and I had a great time exploring this plot with this pairing. Thank you so much for the opportunity!

She relived this every night since it happened, much to her distaste. The worst night of her life, and what she hated the most of it is that it wasn’t _that_ different than any other night. One rare night in Gotham where things were slow. Dick had called it a night hours before, Damian retreating while mumbling, and Tim following soon after. Cass enjoyed her time with her adoptive family, growing close to them each in their own, unique way. Most of all, Stephanie.

Cass would never lie that Steph had a way of drawing people in, with her quirky personality. She was just so…bright, and when she was with her, she drowned all the darkness that Cass had experienced. The relationship developed to the point that Cass didn’t understand at first, to the point where there had to be a conversation with Dick just to help figure out just exactly what happened. She had never intended to fall in love with the girl that was now her girlfriend.

Cass was _happy._ She had family, a significant other, and was surrounded with support and love. Things she had never believed she could have. And as she traveled through the dark streets of Gotham City, she couldn’t help but smile at the mere thought of it. Enough that she wanted nothing more than to enjoy this moment to herself, to clear her head and just _let go._

That’s how she found herself on the docks, stripped and ready for a dive in the inky water, the moon reflecting as if it were a sea of diamonds. She shivered, eager for the caress against her skin, the coolness that would send a shock through her and make her synapses fire in the most pleasant of sensations. Cass loved to swim, loved the power of her muscles as they flexed in her movements. Gracefully, she would cut through the surface, a hurricane within herself because she was and always would be a force to be reckoned with. Her body built, trained, and designed to be a weapon. Sharp and pointed, elegant and lithe. Cassandra was magnificent.

The first second of the dive, she was free as she felt time slow. The cool water just at the tips of her fingers, piercing through the satin and smooth reflection of the sky. It’s a rush, one that fighting criminals could never compare. She was everything and yet nothing in that moment. She wanted to melt within the depths, to just _be._

She knows in her gut that the water holds nothing but malice for her in return. The nightmare is repetitive and nothing she can do will change the events as they unfold. And that, at its core, was the true issue, wasn’t it? Her absolute lack of control, despite how strongly she wanted it, how she craved it. She has known sorcerers, aliens, meta humans that she fought alongside on countless occasions, and yet she replayed this over and over, nothing changing.

The pain is sharp, more shocking to her than the relief the water had provided at first. But everything had gone black then, cutting herself from her reality. And she was suspended, she suspected. She couldn’t move, just laid in the black with nothing. Confusion was the first emotion she encountered, not understanding exactly where she was. But the panic and fear began to fully take hold because she felt absolutely _nothing_. There was nothing for her, she couldn’t ever reach out to touch the blackness that had consumed her whole. She knew in her bones that if she could, she would have felt that dreadful falling sensation that startles you awake in terror.

That is how Cass awoke, her eyes wide with tears and panic, a whimper escaping past her lips like the traitor it was. It spoke of what was on the inside, proving the constant strong and silent front to be nothing but a lie. A mask she wore, because that was what she did best, wasn’t it? It was what she excelled at, a dark ballerina almost, trapesing through the city as if she owned it. But now instead of terrifying the criminals of Gotham, she herself was terrified. She felt the cold grip of it in her chest as she tried to jerk in response, her fight or flight trying to desperately kick in for the sake of her survival against the betrayal of her own mind. And there it was again, that nothingness that responded to her desperate plea. She stayed, trapped in her own mind and body, unable to move as her nightmare slowly gave way to reality.

“It’s state of the art, I assure you. User friendly, the latest technology available. Well, at least, from what _we_ can provide. I’m sure you won’t be disappointed, Mr. Wayne.”

Cassandra’s doctor was young, she could almost guess that he was rather new in his role by the way his voice shook the slightest or the way he fidgeted while discussing the wheelchair that stood there, taunting her. Her doctor ran his hand through his light brown hair, tussling it as he shifted and her eyes moved back to the window, where the sun shined brightly. And as bright and warm as it seemed, it couldn’t lift her spirits. It couldn’t bring forth any emotion from her other than a dark dwelling in her stomach and chest. She didn’t want this. All the work through physical therapy, all that time invested for _nothing._

“Hm. I believe you, Dr. Erikson. I trust that this is the best of the best. I appreciate it. If we have any issues, we’ll let you know.” Bruce replied, his billionaire persona in full swing. Cassandra almost laughed at the words that fell eloquently from his lips. Lies. If there were to be any improvements on that contraption, Bruce would be sure to do it himself. Because, despite how accurate the doctor was from his position, there was greater technology in a cave underneath Wayne Manor. But her doctor wasn’t exactly privy to that information.

“Perfect. I guess that about covers it for now. Let’s go ahead and move her, and then see how she likes it. Are you ready, Cassandra?”

No, she wasn’t. Not in the slightest. This wasn’t a fight, not a battle to the death with her mother, or even a regular crook on the dark streets of Gotham. So why did she feel so defeated as they transferred her over to her new wheelchair? Why did she feel like that even though she was a free individual, she felt as if she was given a life sentence in her own prison? She contemplated on everything that had happened in her life up to this point and became furious with herself. Despite the calmness she exuded on the outside, she was on fire on the inside.

And that was what it was like on the way home to Wayne Manor. The fire there, burning on her insides with the unfairness of all of this. Despite the sins of her past, she was a good person. She had a family and she served the good of others. What had she done to deserve this? For everything to be taken away from her so quickly with no way to get it back? One simple decision for herself had damned her to a life in a chair. She cried most nights when she was sure to be alone, desperate for a change. A glimmer of hope that this wasn’t as permanent as it seemed, but it was a false hope.

When they returned to the Manor, Bruce and Alfred were quick to show the changes that they had made to accommodate for her new life. She wished she could say that it warmed her heart, that she was moved by the fact that they cared so much for her and her wellbeing. The best technology to make her life as easy as possible, they said. She knew they were trying to make her hard transition easier, and yet she couldn’t bring herself to genuinely appreciate what they were doing for her. All that was left to feel was disappointment and guilt.

She could listen to her hum all day if she were being honest. Stephanie couldn’t hold a note to save her life, but that constant humming soothed Cass in a way that she hadn’t expected. Cass always had a harder time communicating due to her upbringing, but they had been working on that together. Her, Stephanie, and sometimes Dick. It would frustrate her to no end, the constant struggle of it. But now she just…stayed silent, in her own little world, watching everything around her as if it were movie. It was moments like this that kept her tethered.

“I’m wondering if Bruce and Alfred would let me paint the room. I’m thinking purple, obviously! I think it would look so cute!” Stephanie babbled as she went around hanging the purple paper lanterns. “We just need to liven it up in here! All this uppity ‘I’m so rich, look at how fancy and boring this room is’ vibes are so last year. I’m over it.”

“Tt, no one asked you.” Damian snarked as he eyed her. With his chin held high, he stood in the doorway with the cat, Alfred, folded neatly in his arms. His green eyes held contempt as his lips curved into a sneer, but Cass knew better. She knew that deep down it was a bravado. She thought that deep down, he just enjoyed getting under Steph’s skin. And no matter what, it always worked. The blonde turned to him vehemently and stuck her tongue out at him.

“You’re just jealous that your room isn’t as cool as hers!” Damian’s face puckered slightly, but Stephanie’s attention had already been pulled away, untangling a bundle of fairy lights. “Hmm. I’m going to see if Tim or Alfred can help with these. You,” she turned back to Damian with an accusing finger. “Don’t be a mean, butthead. You have to be nice or else you’ll lose your Awesome Room privileges. Got it?”

She didn’t give Damian a chance to respond, not that he would, as she practically pranced out of the room, humming even louder than she had before. Damian quickly took a step in the room to avoid her, and then began to eye the room. He walked further in the room as Cass watched, observing his light, silent steps. The posture was perfect, his back straight as he judged the chaos Stephanie had unleashed in her room. Alfred yawned before lightly stretching and jumping from Damian’s arms. Unfolding his arms, he clasped his hands behind his back and clicking his heels together as he came to a stop.

“I suppose Brown has _some_ taste. At least, for someone on her level. I suppose I do have quite higher standards.” He gave one last look around the room before finally acknowledging Cassandra.

She never felt more vulnerable, than in that moment, and it had nothing to do with her condition. It had everything to do with the fact that her and Damian were well matched, or they used to be. Both born to and raised by assassins. Trained to be absolutely perfect in every aspect. At least he had more training with communication. Her father had kept the ability to read, to write, to even talk, from her for the sake of her training. In a way, she believed that there had been some sort of understanding between them, unspoken but felt. And deep down, she cared about his opinion of her. Ever since Bruce had adopted her, she felt the need to be enough. The first real father figure in her life, and she worried that maybe…maybe she didn’t belong. And now, more than ever, she felt the weight of it.

“You know, they say that this technology is the best they can offer, and that within itself is a disappointment. Drake could do something better than this in his sleep, and could you imagine the atrocity _that_ would be?” He walked up to her, standing in front of her as she turned her attention outside, watching as Ace ran through the grounds with Jason and Tim following leisurely behind.

“I…” Damian started but quickly coughed, clearing his throat, catching Cass’s attention once more. He tried to hide it with the confidence and aloofness, but she could tell that he was uncomfortable and unsure. He subtly shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “I wanted to express…a certain small amount of condolences…towards your incident and the outcome of said incident. It is…unfortunate. And as much as all of you are mostly incompetent or obnoxious, you were more adequate than the others.” Cass smiled, because that was the best she was going to get from him, and it was enough. Her eyes grew misty, which only seemed to make him more uncomfortable. “Tt, don’t let that get to your head. Honestly, swimming of all things. Do you know how dirty that water is? Disgusting.”

Her smile didn’t waver in the slightest, and she could see the corner of his mouth tilt up just enough for her to know that he was, in Damian’s way, smiling. He wasn’t an expressional child, neither of them had been, but together they had grown and that was the special relationship they shared.

“Hey, brat! You wanna help me hang these?” Stephanie playfully called and Damian rolled his eyes with a growl, the moment sealing itself in her most cherished memories.

Tim Drake stuck his tongue out of the corner of his mouth when he worked. She didn’t think that the teen really knew or was fully aware of this, but it had amused Cass greatly to watch. Harper Row was less amused as she leaned against the chair in front of the monitors, popping her gum as she stared, unimpressed by his work.

“Are you sure you’re doing right?” Harper asked with a brow raised. She saw the way Tim’s jaw clenched at the umpteenth time she had asked. He sighed exaggeratedly.

“Yeah, Harper, I am.” He mumbled something else under his breath that even she couldn’t hear. Harper popped her gum in response, the sound echoing hauntingly off the walls of the cave. Another accommodation that was gifted to her.

She had insisted, on one of the rare days that words weren’t buried deep and came easier to her, that she wanted to still be involved. That, like Barbara, she could still be a part of this. To be a part of the Batfamily as much as she was a part of the Wayne family. She belonged here, and if she were being honest, the cave felt more like home than the manor ever did. The trainings with Bruce, the investigating with Tim, the hangouts with Stephanie after patrol…everything was _here._

“Yeah, whatever you say.” Harper answered, her voice tilted in disbelief. Before Tim could throw another retort, or a screwdriver, at her, Stephanie came rushing in.

Cassandra’s heart stuttered a bit as her eyes appraised her girlfriend, and she had hoped that she was able to fight off the blush that was threatening to rise. She always loved Stephanie in her suit, the purple complementing her in the best way…it was just so _her_. And the radiant smile that was almost always plastered on her face? It always had a way of taking Cass’s breath away without warning. Or maybe the way her face scrunched up in the slightest way while she focused on something always had Cass wanting to boop her on the nose from how _adorable_ her girlfriend truly was. She was happy to have her.

“Alright, who’s goin’ with me?” Stephanie called, her arms extended out to her sides in her wide stance, demanding attention, and enthusiasm. “The tiny, evil one has homework, so Alfred is locking him down for the night, and Dick is unavailable. And Jason…well, he’s probably out shooting stuff. So, who’s with me?” Stephanie finished her rallying cry with a quick fist pump and was met with silence.

Tim and Harper exchanged glances before Harper chuckled and shook her head. “Alright, blondie. I’m game. Kid genius here is about to have a technological breakthrough. Don’t wanna disturb the flow of a prodigy.”

Tim rose, shooting a comment back at her as Stephanie made her way towards Cass, her smile unwavering. “Hey! Tim’s upgrading your chair? That’s awesome! See if he can make it capable of making milkshakes.” She threw him a sideways glance before leaning in, her hand cupping her mouth as she whispered. “He says it’s not possible, but I mean, let’s be honest here, that’s a lie. He just doesn’t wanna do it.”

Stephanie leaned back, both of them chuckling, but Cass’s was halfhearted. A dark, heavy emotion pulled in her chest, almost forcing the breath out of her. It wasn’t unknown, or even new, for that matter. She felt it often, in times where everything was made more _real_ to her. It was an itch she couldn’t scratch, the urge to suit up and join them, but she supposed that it was an itch she couldn’t exactly feel, was it? And that thought was bitter in her mind, so much that she felt the very poison of it on her tongue, resting and waiting. She didn’t talk because words were hard, she didn’t talk because the venom was worse. It coursed through her veins with malice, waiting, wanting to infect those closest to her. For them to feel her pain, then maybe she could…what? Feel something? Cass had to remind herself often that she would never be able to feel again. And the venom would recede back into the corner.

But Stephanie frowned, and Cass realized that she might have underestimated her girlfriend’s observation skills as the light in Stephanie dimmed. Guilt pulled at her insides as Stephanie kneeled, her gloved hand brushing her cheek before tucking her dark, silky black hair behind her ear. Tears pulled as Cass melted at the gentleness her girlfriend displayed with nothing but love in her eyes.

“Hey,” she said, her voice breathless and low, almost a gentle caress within itself. “It’s okay. I’ll be back soon, alright?” Cass looked away, but Stephanie placed her hand on her cheek, gently pulling her attention back to the blonde. “Listen, I know this is hard for you, Cass. But please know that I love you, and that _we_ love you. Nothing will ever change that, and you will always be a part of this team. We would be totally lost without you.” She leaned in, placing a kiss against Cass’s forehead as her heart swelled before she pulled back with a bright smile. “Now, don’t have too much fun with Tim, okay? I’m the cool one.”

Cass smiled, a light laugh that almost bubbled past her throat, but Stephanie had turned and began her way out trailing behind Harper. Tim sighed heavily as he watched their departure, his shoulders sagging forward only a tad. “I thought I was going to go bald if Harper stuck around any longer. Steph has good timing every now and then, doesn’t she?” he asked, turning to Cass with a relieved smile. Cass hummed in response.

He nodded as he took his original place next to her chair, the panel sitting before him innocently. She was grateful for Tim. Everyone had been nothing but kind to her, and she was relieved slightly at the fact that no one had shunned her for this, made her feel less than for the condition she had found herself in. But Tim rolled with it the best, Cass thought. He didn’t walk on eggshells as much as Dick did, or felt uncomfortable like Damian, or as guilty as Bruce. She didn’t pick up on the slightest bit of pity that, if she looked close enough, she could find in Alfred’s eyes. Or the way Barbara couldn’t bring herself to even eye the chair without turning pale herself.

She didn’t blame them one bit for any of this, and she held no ill will or contempt, because she understood. She knew that Dick didn’t want to say the wrong thing, to upset her and bring more attention to what she had lost and the new life she was struggling with adjusting to. She knew that Damian understood his lack of social skills, that he was aware he didn’t really have anything to say that could be comforting. He just didn’t know how to be in the room with her for now, but she understood that too. Cass could level and understand where the root of Bruce’s guilt originated, seeing one of his children in this state and tying it back to if they had gotten to her sooner, or if he hadn’t let her patrol that night. It was all a stretch, of course. And deep down, Bruce knew it too. But that didn’t stop him.

She couldn’t stomach it, but she supposed she couldn’t really blame Alfred for the pity he displayed, because that only meant that he knew in his heart what exactly she _had_ lost in all this. He was just as involved in her life as Bruce, maybe more so in some cases, and it broke his heart as well as hers for her wings to get clipped far too soon. Barbara was another beast, the only one that Cass really didn’t want to handle, because the guilt of being a reminder to her and her past was a heavy burden within itself. One that made everything else so heavy that she hated herself for it, because she felt she wasn’t capable of carrying it. She unwillingly brought memories to Barbara that she wished she could bury forever.

Tim was just quick to talk about logistics, about how he could improve things. Asked her opinion on what she thought she wanted done. Mobility? More features? He even talked aloud to her during his investigating, working the case as if nothing had changed at all. If she had to be honest, it was Tim and Stephanie that had made this the most bearable. She didn’t realize how desperate she was for it until they had shown her.

Another sigh from Tim caught her attention. “Maybe…ugh, Harper might be right.” He scowled before looking at her. “Don’t you dare say a word, Cass. I’ll never hear the end of it.”

“You’re totally cheating!” Duke argued.

“Oh, that’s total bullshit, and you know it.” Jason insisted with a roll of his eyes. Duke threw Jason a skeptical look.

“Button smashing is cheating, bro.”

Jason scoffed, crossing his arms as he threw him a smirk. “Button smashing is a legit strategy for playing Mortal Kombat.”

It was Duke’s turn to roll his eyes before his phone went off. Giving it a quick check, he stood, setting the controller on the coffee table. “Oh, I gotta go. Some friends and I are meeting for pizza. Catch you later, man. Bye, Cass!” Duke turned to her and waved with a smile before he left the living room. It grew quiet, and Cass had expected the awkward silence, but she didn’t expect it to be this bad.

She had only seen Jason a handful of times since the accident, but that was usually with other people present. She hadn’t been alone with him and it felt that he had been avoiding her. She wanted to pretend that it didn’t hurt her in the slightest, but that would have been a lie. Should she really be surprised? Jason Todd wasn’t exactly known for being good with dealing with emotions, although he did better than Damian. Everything that had gone down with Bruce, once Jason had returned, had shown Cass just how he dealt with things like this. And he wasn’t good at it. She never would hold it against him, he was her brother and she loved her brothers, no matter how much their inaction hurt her.

Jason sighed, leaning back against the couch pulling a bit at his grey sweatpants. He ran his hand through his hair, and he threw her a look. Cass glanced at him, but then placed her attention back to the frozen screen of the tv, ‘Player One Wins’ flashing in red. “You cool with a movie?” he asked.

Her brown eyes find his blue green ones. She was passive in her expression, unsure what to say, not that it mattered. He didn’t give much of a choice as he grabbed the controller, exiting out of the game and switching to a streaming service. Flipping through the choices, he didn’t really seem to find something that satisfied him, but he settled on a corny action movie that he had seen a hundred times. Cass watched silently, but Jason continued to fidget. Shifting his weight, throwing his arm over the back of the couch only to pull it back minutes later, propping his feet on the coffee table to recline back, setting them down and sitting up. He began tapping the tv remote against his leg, his arm going, again, over across the back of the couch.

“You know what I thought?” he asked out of nowhere, and Cass glanced at him with a brow raised. “I thought…when I heard what happened, that it must have been one of them.” He was quiet, his eyes still on the screen, but he wasn’t here. Not in this moment, no, he was miles away as the words poured from his mouth. “That’s why I didn’t visit at the hospital while you were out. I—We were searching, trying to find out what the hell happened. It only took a few hours for word to get to me that it was an _accident_ , but in those hours, I was fueled with that anger again. That they got to another one of us, and I swore, that if it was _him_ again, Bruce wouldn’t have been able to stop me this time.”

 _That_ was what made her heart squeeze painfully because she knew what that meant. What that would have done to all of them, and it would have been over something that had happened to her. If she would’ve been able to move, she would have smacked him with the remote in his hand for the mere thought of doing something so destructive and devastating. As if sensing her thoughts, he looked at her with a smirk.

“Don’t worry, I didn’t go to the dark side, Cass. There was nothing to go on, every lead I could think of was a dead end. I was banging my head against the wall when I found out. Helmet on, of course, because you know, safety first.” She chuckled. For the first time since leaving the hospital, _she laughed_. Jason’s smile was sad as he hung his head. “I’m sorry. I know that I’ve been a shitty brother, not coming to talk to you. I was…I was so ashamed, you know? That I couldn’t find who caused it, and then realizing just how close I was to…I didn’t want to face you with that in the back of my mind.”

“No.” Her voice was scratchy from the lack of use, one the first things she’s said since everything. There were so many things she wanted to say, but she didn’t have it in her, so she tried to convey with her eyes as they held each other’s gaze. Cass tried to make Jason understand that no, he had nothing to be ashamed of. That she didn’t blame him, and that she was happy that he hadn’t fallen down the dark rabbit hole that would tear him and Bruce apart, creating a rift within the family yet again. “Family.”

His lips quirked up, the heaviness lifting visibly as he relaxed. “Yeah, Cass, you’re right. Family. Always family.” He stretched, groaning as little pops came here and there. He leaned back, his arm resting on the armrest as he moved closer to her. “Let’s watch this noob fight his way through this movie and make fun of his amateur ass.”

The thing about Stephanie, was that she always pushed Cass out of her comfort zone. She challenged her to do things that she had never done or ever considered doing before, and it took her awhile, but she came around to liking it. The old carnival on the boardwalk that Bruce’s father used to take him to had been one of those things. Steph forcing her to try cotton candy, Cass acing all the games despite being rigged so that Stephanie had a few others went home with adorable stuffed animals. The spinning teacups had plastered a smile on her face as Stephanie squealed, both her and Jason trying to go faster than Tim, Dick, and Damian. Granted, they had an advantage since their cup got along a lot better than the other. She could still remember Damian being huffy, swearing that Tim that ‘you do not possess the upper body strength to efficiently contribute to the work him and Richard had’, which led to another spat with Tim reminding Damian that he was still technically a child.

Maybe that was how Stephanie had convinced her to do this, even though there wasn’t much convincing. Stephanie had a force of will stronger than most when it came down to it, and there wasn’t anyone trying to _convince_ when her mind was made up; so focused and consumed by an idea that lifted her mood tremendously. Her blue eyes were alight as she spoke animatedly to Cass, but she could see it. The steel determination beneath it that dared anyone to cross her or suggest against her plans for that day.

She helped her get dressed while humming the same song she had when she decorated the room. Sheer purple curtains hung over the windows, fairy lights and posters everywhere. It brought a piece of Stephanie to Cass’s life when she wasn’t around, and she was secretly thankful. It provided warmth and comfort when she needed it, and she needed it often.

Despite all the modifications, all the add-ons that Tim was able to provide, and there had been _plenty_ , Stephanie still insisted on handles. Tim had scratched the back of his head, insisted it wasn’t necessary, and he was right. The sip and puff had been greatly updated, making it easier to use than it ever had been. The added Bluetooth, the removable electronic mounts, all of it. He had made it easier for her and kept her more connected in the new life she found herself in.

That didn’t stop the pout on Stephanie’s face. “What if she wants me to push us really fast down a hill?”

“Yeah, I’m sure _she’s_ the one that would want that. Besides, it’s not a shopping cart. It’s not meant to do that.”

“You could make it, coward.”

They elbowed each other, and Cass just smiled. But she was grateful for Tim because it gave her more practice. And as they strolled along the path in the park, she admired his genius. It was much easier, despite her not really wanting to be out and about. It made her self-conscious, believing that everyone was staring at her as Stephanie chatted away with her purple backpack slung over shoulder.

This was the first time she had left the manor since coming home, Stephanie insisting that getting outside would be fun and good for her. And of course, Bruce readily agreed with a supporting nod from Alfred. Not that it mattered much. Stephanie hadn’t been asking permission. And as she dressed her in the yellow, flowing skirt and the light blue sleeveless blouse, Cass felt a sense of trepidation. It was difficult enough just being at the manor, let alone going back into the world.

“Oh! Let’s stop here! That’s my favorite bench!” Stephanie called, pointing towards a wooden bench under a tree up around the bend. “Come on!”

Cass suppressed the groan in the back of her throat. She would have given everything to just be back home, but she knew that Stephanie was enjoying herself and she didn’t want to take that away. So, she navigated her chair to align with the bench as Stephanie sat down, her bag to her side. She stretched a bit, a satisfied groan escaping before she looked around, and Cass did the same. Spotting older couples strolling, a group of older teens playing ultimate frisbee, and children flying kites with dogs running around with their owners.

“Isn’t it so pretty out? I love days like this!” Stephanie threw Cass a look, fully relaxed and at ease. A gentle breeze caressed Cass’s face, blowing through her hair. If she closed her eyes, she could imagine it as if she were on patrol, running through the city. But she wasn’t. She was here, with her girlfriend in the park, where she belonged. And Stephanie’s smile was just enough to ground her to this reality. “You know, I brought lunch!”

Stephanie turned to her bag, her hair whipping around as Cass watched her pull a container out with a pair of chopsticks. Opening the lid, Cass’s smile spread wide. “My favorite.” She said, and Stephanie threw her a mischievous look.

“Of course! It’s a special day!” She used the wooden chopsticks to grab a piece of sushi, dropping it a few times before finally getting a firm grip on it. Stephanie brought it to Cass’s lips, confident and sure, and Cass hesitated only a second before opening her mouth.

The conflicting emotions raged inside her, the pride that was being wounded and the warmness of the gesture. Cass struggled a lot with the fact that her life as a vigilante was over, and that there was no fixing it. But the mere fact that she couldn’t even _feed_ herself was a bit appalling. Stephanie, Bruce, Dick, and Alfred were the ones that helped her, that fed her all her favorite foods to try and make it lighter. But it killed her every single time. It killed her pride, at the fact that she could no longer depend on herself for her basic needs. Her humiliation knew no bounds, and in the beginning, she couldn’t do it. It had taken them so long to even get her to take a bite, because she couldn’t stomach it. She was ashamed.

But Stephanie had a way, and Cass isn’t sure how, of making it…something more. It wasn’t that the others didn’t care, because she knew better. She knew her family loved her and wanted to help her. Stephanie just had a special touch, and she was able to get Cass to take her first bite. It was as if they were in their own little world sometimes, where she didn’t have to be afraid of anything. It was just the two of them.

And that’s what began to happen. A shared look as Stephanie pulled away and Cass felt her emotions fade back. It was a loving gesture, something Stephanie had once explained was common during dates, and maybe this was what she had meant then. It didn’t feel like this normally, no. But in this moment, that’s what it felt like. As if it was a regular date, like they used to have, and they could just enjoy each other’s company.

Cass chewed and swallowed, watching as life went about around her, and realizing that no one had really been watching her at all. No one gave a second glance to her chair or pointed and stared. She felt some more stress melt away as the sun shined on her face, the smell of wildflowers and freshly cut grass intoxicating. She couldn’t help but get swept up in it and had begun to understand Stephanie’s excitement. It _was_ a beautiful day.

When Cass finished, she listened as Stephanie rambled on about everything that was going on in her life and hung onto every word. It was like she was there with Steph in her stories, playing it out in her mind. Cass still couldn’t shake the longing she felt, though. The need to be included, especially during patrol. Not being able to sneak up on her girlfriend to surprise her like she used. Stephanie grew quiet as Cass’s mood lowered. She watched as Steph placed a hand on hers and squeezed. Nothing. She felt absolutely nothing.

“I know its hard.” Stephanie whispered and Cass glanced at her. Her blue eyes no longer held the fun and lightness they did before, but a heavy seriousness that pierced through Cass completely. “I won’t ever pretend to understand what you’re going through, Cass. But I know that this can’t be easy, and you’re doing so well. We’re so proud of you.”

“Don’t feel.” Cass breathed out, her eyes casting back down as they swam with tears. It wasn’t that she couldn’t physically feel, but the fact that she couldn’t feel anything towards the idea of them being proud of her. Why would they? They were paying for a stupid mistake she had made, becoming a burden on the family she had gained.

Stephanie frowned. “You may not feel it, but its true. You’re so strong, Cass. We don’t see you any different. Hey, look at me.” A few tears fell as she caught her girlfriend’s gaze once more, and Stephanie was quick to wipe them away with her thumbs, cradling her face gently. “I love you. You are and always will be enough for me. You are a part of this family, you are _my_ family, and I’m so happy to have you.”

Cass gave a watery smile in return, a wet laugh leaving her as new tears came. “Love you.” She replied, her voice filled with emotion. Stephanie chuckled before pressing her lips against Cass’s. Her lips were always soft and gentle, a tenderness that Cass was never used to, but had quickly fallen to. It deepened only a tad, enough to leave Cass breathless when Steph pulled away, pressing her forehead against hers.

It was only a second before Stephanie placed a light kiss on the tip of Cass’s nose with a bright smile. “Now, I want to people watch with my badass girlfriend, and then make fun of them. Did you see that runner trip over himself earlier? Pssh, run much?”

She shifted uncomfortably and Cass had to stop herself from raising her brow at her. She was back in the living room, and she was tempted to just ask someone to turn the damn tv on for her to watch, because watching Barbara become more and more uncomfortable was honestly irritating her. She had felt guilty, at first, for how her situation made Barbara feel. But as of late, she had to fight the urge to yell at her to just leave, if it bothered her so much. Mostly because of how much it _hurt_ her, watching the woman that she had trained with to not hold her gaze or sit still, like her skin was crawling. Cass would rather deal with Barbara’s absence than the forced presence.

But she was here to see Bruce for some reason, and this is where Alfred had her wait, insisting it had been too long since she had seen Cass. “It would be good for the two of you to enjoy each other’s presence while I fetch Master Bruce.” Alfred had given Barbara a meaningful look because no matter what, you could never slip anything past that old man. Alfred, behind Stephanie of course, was the one that was most in tune with Cass and what she was feeling. He spent the most time with her, taking care of her and doing what he can to give her company when Stephanie wasn’t there. He picked up on it rather quickly.

Barbara cleared her throat one more time, and Cass threw her a look and just stared. She shifted from one foot to the other, again, in deep thought. She didn’t even seem conscious of what she was doing, but Cass had had enough. She would make her aware. “Speak or silence.” This was long overdue, she knew. It needed to happen sooner or later, and Cass was tired of waiting.

She looked at Cass in shock, but that didn’t deter Cass’s determined and stern expression. It sucked, she knew, and she didn’t like reminding Babs of her past. It was Cass’s mistake, she knew that. But it wasn’t her fault that Barbara allowed it to control her, that it had even happened to her to begin with. Cass wanted her to be honest with her, to talk to her about it rather than the behavior she had been displaying.

Barbara sighed heavily before her shoulders sagged forward. She made her way to the couch, sitting and looking at her hands before meeting Cass’s line of sight. “I…you’re right. And I owe you an apology, Cassandra.” Cass gave her a quick nod to continue as she said nothing in return, willing to just listen. “I…I’m sorry. Really, I am. When they told us what happened to you, it was…like I was reliving it again, you know? And I thought that once I got over the shock of it…” She clenched her jaw as tears glistened in her blue eyes. “I saw you and all I could think of was that night and what he did. I remember the feeling, the…just _everything_ that came with it, and I didn’t know how to handle it. And that’s my fault, Cass. My issues are my own responsibility, and…” She trailed off and Cass’s heart tugged at the expression on her face. “I should have been there more for you. The one person that can relate to you the most in this situation, and this is what you get? I…I failed you, didn’t I?”

Cass tilted her head as a weight she didn’t realize she had lifted from her chest. She gave a small smile. “No.” Barbara didn’t need to know the feelings that Cass felt, because it wouldn’t have solved anything. It wouldn’t have done either of them any good, because they were moving forward together, and at the end of the day, that’s all that really mattered, wasn’t it? Because as frustrated and hurt Cass was, she loved and respected Barbara. They were great partners and close friends, she wanted to fix whatever they could.

Barbara gave her a watery smile. “You are far too forgiving. Well, I suppose that isn’t _entirely_ true. I’ve seen what you’re like when you aren’t in a forgiving mood.” Cass let out a small laugh because it was so true. “I should have been a better friend, a better support system for you, and I’m so sorry. Could you forgive me?”

“Forgiven.” Cass gave her a bright smile, almost giddy with the relief of a mended bridge. Barbara smiled in response, wiping her tears away quickly. Before she had a chance to say anything else, Alfred appeared in the doorway with a clearing of his throat. Babs whipped around.

“Master Bruce is in his study, ready to see you.”

Babs hopped up quickly with a wave to Cass. “Thank you, Alfred.”

He hummed in response before turning back to her once they were alone. She expected him to leave, sure that he had some tasks to get to, but he strolled towards her and placed his gloved hand on her head gently. “Time heals all wounds, Miss Cassandra. Even if you must give time a swift kick in the behind, it still heals.” With a gentle pat he pulled away, reaching for the remote on the table, clicking the tv on as he sat in Barbara’s spot. “How about we see just who Sofia chooses to marry, and what Antonio is going to do when he finds out about his evil twin.”

“I’ve never read it before, but I thought it would be cool, you know? Because of elephants and the circus. What do you think?” Dick asked as he sat cross legged on the arm of the chair. “You wanna read this one or something different?”

This was a piece of normalcy for her. Dick and Cass would read together at least once a week, helping her with her speech. She thoroughly enjoyed it, Stephanie even joining some days to hear the books Dick would read. It was their bonding time, sibling to sibling, and they both took it seriously. Never missing a day, no matter what. Even if it meant video chatting, they always found a way. Cass was both grateful and excited that this was a piece of her old life that transitioned with ease, making her feel that despite everything, there were still parts of who she was that stayed true. Cass eyed the book. Jumbo: The Greatest Elephant in the World staring right back at her, and she wondered if this was going to be more sad than fun. “Sad story?”

Dick’s brow furrowed as he flipped the book over, eyeing it thoughtfully. “You know, I’m not entirely sure, to be honest. I’m always weary with books like this because you think it’ll be fun, but then it gets dark.” He jumped off the chair, making his way back to the shelves to put the book back. “It was a gift from Bruce on the first birthday I celebrated here. I just never got around to reading it. How about we not risk it? What are you thinking? Dickens? Austen? Oooh, we could do Shelley. You in the mood for Frankenstein?”

“Austen. Please.” Cass responded with a content smile. She secretly loved Jane Austen, and Dick was always eager to read it to her. “Darcy.”

“Ah. Pride and Prejudice.” His fingers gently skimmed the spines of the books Bruce and his family had collected over all the years. Gracefully pulling it from its place, he twirls back around with a smile. “Excellent taste always leads to excellent choices. I knew I could count on you!”

Cass was well trained, one of the best in their family, but Dick had a grace that gave her a run for her money, so to speak. She knew it was growing up in the circus, years on the trapeze with his family, training all his life to be flexible and light. He made his way back to his spot, jumping on the armrest of the chair and sitting down with ease. Cass would be lying if she said she was not a least a bit jealous.

Dick looked up quickly to say something but froze, catching her expression before she had time to hide it and let the emotion run its course. He frowned and she felt bad immediately. Her brain scrambled for words as her mouth opened, but Dick beat her to it. “I’m sorry. If it bothers you, I will stop. I should be more respectful.”

“Stop. Please.” Dick’s brow furrowed as she shook her head. He had been walking on eggshells, constantly, since she returned. And her heart warmed that he was doing his absolute best to not offend her, but there was a plasticity to it. A mold he tried to fit in that he did not belong in, and it was all for the sake of her feelings. “Strong. I’m strong.”

“Yes. Yes, you are.” He whispered with a smile. Cass loved Dick’s smile just as much as she loved Stephanie’s, although for different reasons. Stephanie’s smile lit up Cass’s world, while Dick’s smile lit up the world as a whole. He was more infectious, the neutral ground for the family, especially during rifts and hard moments. Alfred and Dick helped anchor this family together, helped everyone to continue to be the family they were. She thought that maybe that is why him treating her so softly bothered her as much as it did. He didn’t need to be because Dick himself was naturally good natured and caring. She didn’t want him to be worried about offending her. She needed him to be himself to help see that she was still strong. She was still a warrior.

“Don’t change.” She smiled back. “Love you. As you.” She needed Dick to be who he was, allowing her to fully grow within the new part of her life. Cass may or may not ever get over her jealousy, little moments of wishful thinking, or longing for the old days. But that was _her_ battle. This was her journey and her obstacle. What she needed was for the people around her to support and love her, to treat her the way they always had. It made it far more bearable.

Dick gave her a chuckle, nodding along as he heard her meaning. Understanding exactly what she was trying to portray. “Alright, Cass. I am picking up what you’re throwing down. You’re right, I’ve been different because of everything, and that’s not fair to you. I promise, no more. No more filtering. Cool?”

“Yes. Cool.” She replied with a sharp nod.

“Sweet, let’s see Elizabeth Bennett rock Darcy’s world. And Cass? I love you for you, too. Best little sister ever.”

Nothing in the world would ever dim the bright smile she had thrown him as he started to read.

It was one of those late nights. Some had already called it a night while others had taken the night off, leaving Bruce and Damian the only ones left on patrol. They were on their way home, and Alfred had managed to convince her that perhaps waiting for everyone would be better done upstairs than in the cave, despite her small protests. She knew he was right, she had already been through all the open cases, reading and trying to find anything she could. Cass had been at it for _hours_.

She insisted, determined to be as useful as she could possibly be for Bruce and the others. Coming to terms with everything else, but this. The need to be able to contribute. Babs had become Oracle, a pivotal role that helped the Batfamily tremendously. Cass wanted to find her place, and it filled her with dread that she had to do this all over again. Tim did his best to provide as much technological advances she needed, but at the end of the day, she had no idea what to _do_ with it.

Deep down, she felt she let Bruce down. Such strict rules, she knew he would have not been exactly supported her taking that dive. It could have been time used for patrol, there was a pool at home, always let people know where you are just in case. All the things Bruce could have possibly said to her seared in her brain because she was waiting for it. She was waiting for the moment to come where it was far enough from the incident for him to scold her, set the boundaries of what she was even allowed to do, and then express the disappointment he had felt in her. Cass avoided Bruce at all costs.

The sound of the clock moving and voices caught her attention, and she deeply wished that she had allowed Alfred to put her to bed sooner. She hoped that maybe Bruce was too tired, maybe he wouldn’t notice her. All she wanted was to make sure they came home safe, unable to sleep until then. And she watched as Damian sulked past, a scowl plastered on his face. She held down a chuckle before her eyes landed on the painting above the mantel.

Thomas and Martha Wayne’s gaze always unsettled her for some reason, and she knew she wasn’t the only one. Once or twice she had seen Dick, even Jason, eyeing the painting pensively. She always wondered if they asked the same questions that she did to herself. If they would have been proud of what they were doing for the city, if maybe they would have welcomed them with open arms the way Bruce had. It was a question Cass would never receive an answer to, and she couldn’t decide if that a relief or a disappointment.

“It’s late, you should probably be in bed by now.”

Bruce’s deep voice was soft, but still carried. He had successfully snuck up on her, which was not something that happened often. Regardless, paralyzed or no, she wouldn’t have reacted. She did turn to see him in slacks and a button up, dressed out of his cape and cowl. His eyes were dark, but that was the only thing giving away how tired he was. His hands tucked neatly in his pockets, his watch glinting from the fireplace. He slowly made his way around the couch as her eyes glanced once more at the painting before finding the flames. Out of the corner of her eye, Cass watched as he placed his hand on the side of her chair near her shoulder.

“I miss them every day. Even after all this time.”

“Yes.” She is quiet too, but her voice doesn’t carry like his does. “Sad loss.” She tried hard to express condolences, her limited vocabulary and struggle with emotional understanding making it harder for her.

Bruce didn’t seem to mind as he hummed. “I always wonder if I do them proud, and I have to live with the fact that I will never know the answer to that.” He cleared his throat; a shift of weight and it amuses Cass to no end at how much him and Damian are alike. “I don’t want any of you to wonder that.”

This pulls Cass’s attention to Bruce’s striking blue eyes as his leave the painting. One look is all it took for her and she was crying silently. “Sorry. Disappointment.” She looked away briefly. “Stupid. Sorry. So sorry.” The sobs took over, and ‘sorry’ was the only word she could force out. She knew Bruce loved her, knew that everyone loved her, but she felt this crushing disappointment so deep that she wasn’t sure if she could breathe. She came to terms with her new way of life, slowly reconnecting and adjusting with each sibling and even Steph, but she could never bring herself to the judgement of Bruce Wayne.

“Cassandra,” Bruce knelt in front of her, pulling her attention through the tears. “you’re human. You are allowed to enjoy life, and I encourage it. I don’t…I don’t want you or Damian, or even any of the others, to turn out like…” Like him. He didn’t have to say it, he never really would, but she knew what he meant. Bruce was known for being cold and calculating at times. He sighed and continued. “You made a mistake, but I don’t judge you for that. I don’t hold that against you. If anything, I understand, and I want to make something very clear to you.” His blue eyes blazed with intensity as her vision cleared a bit more. “I’m not disappointed in you, Cassandra. You’ve been strong through all of this, I’ve seen it. Stephanie talks about it frequently. I’m _proud of you_.”

The warm swell of emotion is in her throat again, but she believes that everything she wants to say is written on her face. Its reassuring, sure, but there’s something deeper to it. Bruce stood, a determined look on his face. “You belong in this family, and you will always be included. This doesn’t make you any less my daughter, Cassandra.” Bruce leaned in, placed a light kiss on her hairline. In the corner of her eye, she could see Alfred standing in the doorway, smiling with silent tears. Her heart squeezed as Bruce pulled away.

“Happy.” She said with a smile and Bruce returned it.

“Good. Now, let us get you to bed, hmm?”

She followed him out, Alfred magically disappearing before Bruce noticed he was even there. Her heart felt whole, coming together piece by piece, and each member of her family had one just for them.


End file.
